Non Veg. Jokes Part - 5

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Dracula:
Main tumhara khoon peena chahta hoon
Girl:
Pehlay batana tha na aaj hi band hua hay

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A Guy picks up a girl for the date.
"Why are u wearing ur belt around ur knee?"
Girl: "I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt."

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Lady : "I want a good vibrator";
Salesman: "Ma'am you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall";
Lady : "O.K. I'll take that red one";
Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher" ;

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Teacher:"Why did you bring your cat to school?"
Pupil : "Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say
"TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY

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Sex se pehle kapde utarte samay biwi gir gayi.Husbnd: JAAN .... lagi to nahi?Sex ke baad kapde pehante samay.. fir gir gayi.Husbnd: ANDHI HAI Kya BEHANCHOD

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Arz kiya hai..
Teer kya chalati ho,
dhaar to talwar main hai,
Teer kya chalati ho,
dhaar to talwar main hai.
Dupatay sa kya chupati ho maal to SHALVAR mai hai.

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WIFE :- Wonderful Instrument For Entertainment

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ek aadmi bhagwan ke pas jata haui .. aur kehta hai .. aye bhagwan mujhe 100 lund de dey ...
bhagwan uss ko 100 lund de deta hai .. wo khushi khuhsi jaa raha hota hai .
peechey se bhagwan ki awaz ati hai ...
ruk bhousrike ..
yeh 200 tatte tera baap le kar jayega ???

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ek sawal�.14 feb valentines day ko loog aisa kiya kartay hain k theek 9 months kay baad 14 nov ko CHILDRENS DAY manana parhta hai�.

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Kareena adapted 1 yr old baby.1 day baby cry: Mama I need milk.Kareena: " Beta tum ab bare hogai ho khana khao.Baby:" Agar pilla nahi rahi to plz dikha he do.

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Girl: Mujhe BRA Chahiye
ShopKeeper: 36 chalegi?
Girl: nahi, isse choti..
ShopKeeper: 32 chalegi?
Girl: nahi, isse choti..
ShopKeeper: 28 chalegi?
Girl: nahi, isse choti..
ShopKeeper: Madam, Band-Aid laga lo.. pimple hua hai..

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fastest centuries
Shahid Afridi = 37 balls
Jaysurya = 48 balls
Ijaz ehmad = 59 balls
But
Dhritrashtra= only in 2 balls!!!

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"Every man" is a "terrorist" for "woman" first he "destroy" her "two towers" then he "attack" on her "pentagon" then Puts "Mesile" in her "white house".

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Girl goes to repair umbrella. Umbrella man says,
UPER KA KAPDA HATANA PADEGA AUR NICHE SE RODE DAALNI PADEGI.
Girl syas, DO ANYTHING BUT PAANI ANDER NAHI AANA CHAIYE !

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Boy ask girl : why there is sound when u urinate?
Girl replies: we don't have 8 inch silencer like U........... .....

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A man was fucking a nurse. She shouts: Aah it's painful.
Man: Kamini, daily u r injecting me where I don�t hv hole, I'm putting it in ur hole & u say it hurts

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Teacher key barrey boobs dekh kar aik student bola, ismain kitna calcium hay?
Teacher : ismain itna calcium hay ki bina hadi wala LUND bhi khada ho jay!!

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in chemistry class teacher ask a girl : "what is "NITERATE"?
girl : sir NITE K 1500/ rs n hotel k alag se

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"MOTO RAZR" aur "MOTO KRZR"
ki shandar kamyabi k baad ab pesh hai "MOTO BRAZeR"
Characteristics:
1-itna slim k boobs k beech asani se aa jaye, na chori ka dar na cheene jane ka dar
2- 5.6 mega pix camera Brazier k ander tak dikhai
3- iska taakatwar vibrating system DOODH ko LASSI banaye.

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a bee entered into wife vagina by mistake.husband took her 2 doc..Doc: i ve an idea.lets pour sum honey on the dick like dis n insert into vagina like dis n immediatly pull out whn the bee comes near.bt doc penetrats mor n mor. husband noticed tht doc is getting excited doing all.Husband: wat r u doing?? Doc: ''Plan Change, i'll kill the bastered inside''

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1 Andhi larki pehli daffa sex karwa rahi thi,jab maza aaya tu poocha"yeh neechay kia latak rahay hain?Larka bola,yeh tattay hain.Andhi boli,yeh andar nahi dalnay hotay?Larkay nay keha,nahi yeh baahir hi rahtay hain Andhi boli,"khayal karna,andhi mohtaaj ka haq na maarna

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To,
The Principal
Phuddi public school,
punjaaab city.

Sir
Main 16 saal di haseenkuri hoon te main 8v class vich parhdi c.Mere mammay bare ho jane di waja se menu sidhe 10v class vich kar dita. Meri brassier da no.34 haiga te roll no. v 34 hi hai. Gal eh hai k kal main school nu aarahi c , menu raaste vich 4 mundiyaan ne phar liya te meri fuddi de naal meri bhund v phaar ditti . Is liye main 2 din school nahi aa sakdi
thank u

ur's obiently ,
bholi .........

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EK Sardar g ki biwi mar gaye
doston ne poocha kaise mar gayee?
sardar g : mun vich mun c , phuddi vich lun c , bhund vich ugali c .
pata nahi rooh kithooon nikal gaye

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Be gharz zindagi main Armaan Bosri ka
Gand K peechay hai pathan Bohosri ka
Wo Rubber ki Chootain Wo Plastic K Loray
Kia Kia bana raha Hai Japan Bhosri ka
Wo Lahore ki Heera Mandi or Us pe Chikni Randi
Mashooor hai is waja se Pakistan Bhosri ka
Wo Charas ki Rodain Wo Sharab ki botlain
Kia Kia Pee Raha hai Insaan Bhosri ka

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Boy to Barber : Jhant k baal katne k kitne loge ?
Barber : 100 rs
Girl : aur mere kitne loge ?
Barber : 150 rs
Girl : mere 150 kion ?
Barber : larkon k paas handel hai aur aap k pakarne ki jaga nahi hai

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Suhag raat ko Sardar g ne Apni Biwi k peeche dala to Biwi boli : Sardar g Peeche nahi Aage Daalte hain
Sardar g : tum ko kaise pata ?
Biwi : ek dafa mujhe 4 aadmi utha k le gaye thay , sab ne aage hi dala tha
Sardar g : mujhe bhi utha k le gaye thay , mujhe to peeche dala tha

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3 Girls Class main baatain ker rahi theen
Ek ne kaha : Maine sir ki table pe condom dekha
Dosri boli : main us main sorakh ker diya
Teesri boli : Oooh Shit marawa diya na yaar

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Little Girl: Mom, I just found out that the boy next door has a penis like a peanut.
Mommy: U mean it's small?
Little Girl: No, it's salty.

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A kiss is called humanity if its on cheek, love if on lips, passion if on breast, humor if on navel, sex if on vagina and called bravery if its on ass hole.

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A blowjob is the only job in the world that can't be included in your resume despite years of experience and a number of refrences!

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agar bura na mano tu raat ko light off rukhna,kameez ko otar kaar shalwar ko dhela rukhna,bed ko single kaar kar kundee ko off rukhna,chut pay malish kaar kay level tu saath rukhna, aaaahhhhh aaj kuch josh zayada hay apne gaand ko tayar rukhna,tera tu kaar doon ga kaam sara meray lund ka kheyal rukhna,tere chut ko milay ga sakoon meray lund ka istemal ruukhna,lund daekh kaar bayhoosh na ho jao es leay light off rukhna,.,

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Chaho to humko bhula dena.Chaho to hamara naam dil se mita dena.Par jab tanhai me hamari yaad aye to rona mat.Sirf 1 baar gand me ungli daal ke hila lena!

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one day after office boss starts fuck her secaratery meanwhile his wife call n ask where r u he replies i m very buzy with an client. after fuck he reach home his wife ask wy u r so tired he reply "TUMHE KAISE SAMJHAON CLIENT KO SATISFY KERNE K LYE KITNI MAHNAT KERNI PARI"

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Phoolon say achi us ki CHOOT,
Kaliyon say pyari us ki GAAND,
Sitaron say chamaktay hovay Mum'may,
Koyal si meethi zabaan,
Chand bhi chup jaye yeh keh kar,
Aasmaan par ab kya hai mera kaam,
Chandni to aa nikli zameen say,
kaisi hai yeh kudrat ki shaan,
Fursat say banaya hoga rab nay,
Farishton ka nahin yeh kaam,
Mitti say bane hain hum sab,
Us mein sonay ko milaya hoga,
Hooron nay bhi hasrat say dekha hoga,
Pariyon say sundar yeh insaan,
Alfaaz bhi kum parte hain kehne ko..
AAISI HAI MERI JAAN

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Santa: chicken kaise diye?
Vendor: Rs 50, Rs 40 n Rs 10
Santa: Rs 10, itna sasta kyon?
Sir ise AIDS hai.
Santa: De do mujhe khana hai gaand thodi marni hai!

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Banta: Yaar ek masla khada ho gaya hai.
Santa: Yaar Itna kyon masla jo sala khada hi ho gaya

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Santa raping a gal in car. A cop came & said: What r u doing?
Santa: I'm raping her.
Cop: Ok, I'm next.
Santa: Fine, but I have never raped a cop before.

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Pappu: Dad, today they taught about Sex in the class.
Santa: Ok son.
Later he saw Pappu shaking his penis, he asked what r u doing?
Pappu: Homework Dad.

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